Museum of Science, Boston

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Children's Social Reasoning

Some cognitive scientists study children in order to develop a better sense of how children perceive other people and how this might affect their interactions in the social world.

Apology Effects

How do apologies affect children’s feelings and behavior?

Most parents prompt young children to apologize after making another person feel upset, but do the words “I’m sorry” have an impact?

This study examined whether children feel and behave differently in the presence -versus absence- of an apology

Children, aged 4-10 years, received stickers in an envelope from ‘a child in a different city’, and were asked how the stickers make them feel and think. However, the study involved deception: the envelope was actually prepared by the experimenter and contained no stickers, but rather a note from the fictional gift-giver saying that s/he had used all of the stickers before sending the letter. Some notes offered an apology (i.e.: “I’m really sorry.”), while others did not.

Deception was necessary in order to effectively test the impact of apology. After opening the envelope, children were asked questions about their feelings, the traits of the gift-giver, and how the gift-giver might have felt. Children were then given the opportunity to share some new stickers with the gift-giver. At the end, all children choose some stickers to take home.

Many parents wonder what apologies mean to their children. Our previous work showed that children as young as four years are aware that apologies have emotional implications for people who have been upset. However, we had only tested this by telling children hypothetical stories. This experiment was the first that examined how real apologies affect children’s feelings, judgments about a transgressor, and willingness to share.


Other Resources

Related research was recently published in the journal British Journal of Developmental Psychology. You can download and read the paper: When the happy victimizer says sorry: Children’s understanding of apology and emotion here.

View a video of Dr. Craig Smith discussing this research.

Read about research that examines: What does "I'm sorry" mean to young children and What leads to generous and selfish behaviors in children?.

Learn about other research related to Children's Social Reasoning.

This research is conducted by the Paul Harris Lab at Harvard University

Try it at the Museum

Explore the Giant Light Bright

Create pictures or patterns using the colored pegs from the Giant Light Bright.

How does your child react if another child takes colored pegs away from him/her without asking? Does your child feel better if s/he receives an apology?

Does it matter to your child what kind of apology they receive, if any, or if the apology is adult-prompted?

Fair Fishing

Observe your child interacting with his/her peers at the Water Table. Many children enjoy capturing fish with a plastic net at this exhibit.

When fishing, does your child share the fish fairly with his/her peers? Do any of the children apologize if they do not divide the fish equally, or take another person’s fish without permission? How does your child feel if his/her fish are taken away (with, or without an apology)?

Try it at Home

Apology Role Play

Role-playing studies with older kids and adults have found that people modify their apologies to fit the offense: more elaborate apologies come after more serious transgressions.

Try acting out some pretend transgressions with dolls or stuffed animals. Does your child change the complexity of his/her apology to fit different types of problems (e.g. an accidental bump vs. losing someone’s favorite toy)?