Museum of Science, Boston

Reasoning about Social Situations

Learning to navigate social situations is an important part of growing up. Some cognitive scientists study children in order to develop a better sense of how children perceive other people and how this might affect their social interactions.

Apologetics

What does “I’m sorry” mean to young children?

Most parents want their children to learn to say “I’m sorry” – but many parents wonder what these words really mean to young children. This research asked: Do children view prompted and spontaneous apologies differently?

In the study, children, ages 4 to 8 years, heard two stories that showed one character pushing or grabbing to get a desired object. In both stories, the child saw one of three possible behaviors from the character that committed the transgression (e.g. the child that pushed): no apology, spontaneous apology, or adult-prompted apology.

Children were asked questions about the feelings of the transgressor and the victim (e.g. How does the victim feel at the end of the story?) An understanding of mixed feelings was also explored (e.g. do children understand that a victim who hears an apology might feel both good and bad?).

Many parents wonder what prompted apologies mean to their children. In this study, we found that even preschool-aged children possess two key understandings about the emotional effects of apology: that apologies are expressions of remorse and that apologies can be effective in soothing another person’s feelings. However, the effects of apology did not carry over to children's moral judgments; children were equally as likely to characterize a non-apologizing and an apologizing transgressor as "nice".

Interestingly, we also found that the word "sorry" is not needed for children to understand the emotional benefits of apology for the "victim" of a transgression. Simply knowing that an apology was delivered was enough for young children to see remorse in a transgressor and improved feelings in a victim.


Other Resources

This research was published in the journal British Journal of Developmental Psychology. You can download and read the paper: When the happy victimizer says sorry: Children’s understanding of apology and emotion here.

View a video of Craig Smith discussing this research.

Read about research that examines: How apologies affect children’s feelings and behavior or What leads to generous and selfish behaviors in children?.

Learn about other research related to Reasoning about Social Situations.

This research is conducted by the Paul Harris Lab at Harvard University.

Try it at the Museum

Role-playing at the Beehive

Become a honeybee at the Beehive, with you and your child taking on different 'bee' roles. Some bees can collect pollen from flowers, others make honey or protect the hive. Just as in human families, bee colonies can experience conflict if a bee neglects his/her role in the beehive.

How does your child respond to other honeybees in the beehive if they do not fulfill their ‘bee’ role while playing?

As you observe your child playing with other 'bees' at the hive, do you notice him or her saying "sorry" if s/he bumps into another bee?

How does your child react if you prompt him or her to apologize to a bumped 'bee'?

Do you notice any difference in the sincerity of the apology, depending on whether it is spontaneous or prompted?

Try it at Home

Apology Stories

Create two stories with your child using three dolls, action figures, or stuffed animals as props. Make one of the three toys be a parent, and the other two siblings. In both stories have one sibling (transgressor) take a toy away from another sibling (victim) without permission. Next, choose an ending for your story. In one story have the transgressor apologize after making his/her sibling cry. In another story have the transgressor apologize after the parent tells the transgressor to do so.

Ask your child in each story if the transgressor really “meant it” when s/he said “I’m sorry.” Does your child differentiate between a spontaneous apology and an adult-prompted apology, or view them as the same?